9 Ways to Build Community in a New City
So you’ve moved to a new city - congratulations! You may be wondering how to navigate building a new community after you settle in.
Moving to a new city is exciting and often nerve wracking for many reasons, but a big one is the social reality. Who are you going to spend your time with? Who is going to be there for you? How are you going to find your community?
Why community is important
Having a community isn’t just having a romantic relationship or close friends. A community includes people like neighbors, the barista at your favorite coffee shop, your mail delivery person, the businesses in your neighborhood, your coworkers and all the other people who make up your day to day life. You don’t have to have the same close relationship with each of these people, but each is important. All of these different people play a role in the fabric of our lives, and not having a strong community can leave you feeling isolated and even depressed.
Loneliness is a real problem for mental and physical health. Humans are social beings - we rely on our connections with each other to survive. Being lonely is different from being isolated, though they can be related. Some people do enjoy solitude, and being alone doesn’t cause them distress. Loneliness happens when you’re isolated even though you desire connections with other people. The effects of loneliness include depression, substance use, memory problems, increased stress, cardiovascular problems, and even progression of diseases like dementia.
When you don’t have people looking out for you, it can be harder to get help when you need it, to notice when something is off, and to get support on the days when you’re down. It’s also harder to find people to share the good things in life with if your community is smaller than you’d like it to be. We’re not meant to go through life alone. Moving to a new city can separate you from the people in your life who are normally looking out for you day to day, and leave you feeling the effects of loneliness.
Why it’s hard to build community in a new city
While we all need people in our corner, it can feel overwhelming to start over when building a community for yourself, especially when you move to a new city. Some reasons why it’s hard to build community in a new city include:
We’re all busy, burned out, and isolated even in the age of social media. It feels like there’s no time to do anything else besides work and take care of yourself, go to sleep, and then repeat the next day.
It feels awkward. It can feel like you’re the odd one out, trying to jump into people’s already established communities when you’ve moved into a new city and are trying to find your people in a new place.
Going out and doing things can be expensive. Moving can leave you strapped for cash, making it harder to find extra money for extras post-move.
How to feel confident while you’re building a new community
If you feel awkward while trying to build community in a new city, you’re not alone. It’s always a little uncomfortable to put yourself out there without knowing what you’ll get back. Keep in mind that everyone needs connection. It’s not embarrassing to want to have people in your corner! We all need other people in our lives.
Remember that it takes time. Friendships are not built overnight. It takes repetition and consistency to develop close relationships. Building a new community is a marathon, not a sprint. Give yourself a break and don’t give up when it takes time.
It’s also crucial to try not to take things personally, which is of course easier said than done. When people reject you or aren’t available in the way you’re hoping for, it’s usually about them and not you. It’s okay to have feelings about it, but don’t let that stop you from trying again.
To build your confidence in meeting other people, practice going out of your comfort zone and seeing you’re capable of doing things you’re intimidated by. The more you do it, the easier it will be.
If you’re hoping to build a community in a new city, here are 9 suggestions to help you get started:
Think about what you like
First, it’s important to think about yourself a bit to guide your next steps. Consider the things you like to do and the things you are passionate about and use those as a guide for finding things to do where you can meet new people.
Explore new places
To meet people, you’re going to have to go to places outside of your home. Look for cool or interesting places you’d like to go on social media, and check them out regularly. Be open to talking to new people when you get there if the opportunity comes up. New places to check out can include bookshops, coffee shops, museums, libraries, gyms, parks, and restaurants. Make a list so you can keep track of where you’re interested in exploring.
Say hi to people
To connect with new people, you’re going to have to talk to others. Make an effort to say hi to new people when you encounter them out in the world. Say hi to your neighbors. Introduce yourself to new people when you can. When you meet new people, ask questions and share things about yourself. Write down people’s names in a note on your phone so you remember them the next time you see them. All of these things show people you’re interested in getting to know them.
Try new things
Another great way to meet people is to try new things. Think of things you’re interested in or that you like to do, and go from there. Attend hobby classes, workout classes, museums, shops, events, protests, theater, comedy shows, join an intramural sports team, gaming group, or hiking group and chat with people there. Once you’ve found a few places that work, narrow it down and be consistent about going regularly so you can find others who share your interests.
Pick one day a week that’s your “putting yourself out there” day
If you’re an introvert, all of this might feel like your worst nightmare. To make it a little easier on yourself, designate one day a week that’s your “putting yourself out there” day. Then you allocate all of your social energy toward that day instead of feeling pressure about it every day. This also works if you’re really busy.
Get a dog so you have an excuse to be outside
Lots of people love dogs, so a great way to meet new folks is to get a dog (if you’re able to and want one!) so you have a built-in conversation starter when you’re out and about with your pup. You might be surprised by how many people you can meet with a dog as your icebreaker!
If you’re not able to get a dog, but you’re a dog lover and would like to spend time with dogs, lots of pet shelters and animal rescues need volunteers to walk their dogs and this is a great way to spend time with a dog, meet new people, and do something good in the world.
Volunteer for a cause you care about
A great way to meet people who care about the things you care about is to volunteer for a cause you’re passionate about. Think about the values and causes that are important to you, and look up organizations in your new city that are working on those causes and see if they need volunteers. This gives you a great reason to get out of your home regularly and interact with people that you know share a common interest.
Ask people you meet to introduce you to their people
Have you ever met one of those people who seems to know everyone? Some people are just great at connecting other people to each other. When you find someone like that, ask them to introduce you to their other friends and other people they know. It’s okay to tell people you’re looking for friends. If they have that information, they’ll be more likely to introduce you to people you might hit it off with.
Use a dating app designed for friendships
Another way to meet people is to bring in technology. There are apps that are similar to dating apps, or that are dating apps with different settings turned on, that are designed specifically for making new friends. This can be a great supplement to these other ideas, and an easy way to dip your feet into meeting new people if you’re a little nervous getting started in person and feel more comfortable behind a screen. Just remember to take the conversation offline and meet up in real life eventually!
Do you need support as you build community in a new city like New York? Working with a therapist can help. Our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.
