Caregiving, even for people that you love like aging parents, is an overwhelming endeavor.
Caregivers often take on this role in addition to their other responsibilities and jobs, and find themselves stretched thin emotionally, physically, and financially, which is what’s known as caregiver burnout.
As our population ages, the number of caregivers needed rises. According to a 2025 report from the AARP, 1 in 4 adults in the US is a caregiver. Without proper infrastructure and appropriate healthcare, families are often forced to step in when there are no other options for their loved ones.
A growing number of caregivers (29%, according to the AARP) in the United States are what’s known as the “sandwich” generation: caregivers under the age of 50 who are simultaneously providing care for minor children and aging parents.
This group of people is stretched even more thin, because caregiving in two directions is doubly expensive, exhausting, and overwhelming. This is the case even when it’s for people you love deeply, like your children and your parents, so if you’re feeling this way, know that there’s nothing wrong with you.
What is caregiver burnout?
Caregiver burnout is different from the everyday stress that people feel. Caregiver burnout is a state where you are so depleted, mentally, physically, and financially from taking care of others that you feel that you cannot go on or that you have nothing left to give.
Burnout has been identified as a condition that people in the caring professions (like healthcare workers or therapists, for example) experience as a result of prolonged stress from caring for others day in and day out.
While some caregivers are paid professionals who experience burnout as part of their job, many are not. Burnout can happen outside of the workplace, and the results are just as serious.
Chronic stress has major impacts on health, mentally and physically. It can lead to mental health problems, like depression and anxiety; physical problems, like sleep issues, gastrointestinal issues, frequent illnesses, and headaches; and issues with mood like irritability, mood swings, and social withdrawal, all of which can impact relationships with other people.
Why caregiving for aging parents can be extra complicated
Caregiving is exhausting, no matter if you do it for work or for someone you love. Caregiving for aging parents, however, can come with extra difficulties.
Some of the difficulties of caring for aging parents include:
Complicated relationships with parents from childhood that may be unaddressed and still painful (even situations where there was abuse, and you’re expected to care for that parent)
Parents with conditions like dementia, Alzheimer's, or other memory impacting conditions - your parent not knowing you can be incredibly painful
Some conditions can make aging parents behave poorly, which is hard to deal with, embarrassing, and sometimes emotionally triggering
Caregiving can highlight other tense family dynamics - with siblings and other family members
Confronting the mortality of your parent while also dealing with the day to day drudgery of caregiving for another person, which is tedious and overwhelming, and feeling all of that can cause guilt
Why does caregiving lead to burnout?
Taking care of yourself is a necessary part of being a person, even when you have other things to do. When you’re overwhelmed by providing care for others, you’re less able to care for yourself, which can lead to deteriorating mental and physical health. There’s only so much time in the day, and if you spend all of it caring for others there’s no time left for you. These are some of the reasons why caregiver burnout is so common:
Caregiving is often a full time job
Caring for someone else is like having another full time job on top of your actual full time job. Navigating the healthcare system is a full time job in itself, and then you add onto that everything else that comes with providing care. Your aging parent may not be the easiest person to take care of, and unlike with yourself, you can’t make someone else do something or listen to you. Sometimes it’s like having another child in the house.
You have to manage all of their everyday needs, their healthcare needs, their financial needs, their social needs - it’s a lot to keep track of. It makes sense that your needs would fall to the bottom of the to-do list.
It’s hard to ask for and find help
You love your parents (history of abuse notwithstanding) and don’t want them to be taken advantage of or treated poorly by healthcare providers or other caregivers, so asking for help is perilous. It’s hard to know who to trust, even when you can afford help, which is not the case for many families.
There is often little to no support from the government or other societal structures both for the aging and for caregivers. Finding paid help is expensive, and many families cannot afford it, especially in tough economic times. This is a structural and societal failing that individuals are expected to absorb.
It’s expensive
The reason caregiving often falls to a family member is that it’s wildly expensive to care for an aging person. You’re either doing it all yourself, which probably still costs more than you think, or you’re paying for someone to come, which costs a small fortune. If your relative needs a higher level of care, you have to figure out how to pay for residential care, the costs of which are often astronomical. The financial aspect of aging puts family members into a bind, and often into debt.
Gender dynamics
In addition, caregiving is often gendered. According to the AARP report, 61% of caregivers in the US are women. This is in addition to all of the other emotional and household labor that women are expected to take on. In a lot of families, it’s a sort of unspoken expectation that an oldest or unmarried daughter will be the caregiver when the time comes, even though it’s 2026 and there are often other family members who could pitch in.
You lose sense of who you are
Caregiving is so all-encompassing that you tend to lose sense of who you are. If all you do is take care of others (which is especially true for the sandwich generation) you have no time left for yourself. You don’t have time for the things that make you you: no hobbies, no enjoyment, no rest, no relaxation. You also run the risk of neglecting yourself and your needs (whether that’s self-care, healthcare, and even basic needs) to the point where it becomes a health issue, mentally and physically.
The health impacts of chronic stress
As mentioned above, chronic stress is hard on you, mentally and physically. Chronic stress impacts your immune system, your ability to sleep, your mood, and your relationships with others. It can leave you feeling numb and hopeless, and contribute to anxiety and depression. It may even lead to physical problems like headaches, stomach or GI problems, or even cardiovascular issues.
Caregivers who have little time for themselves are also less likely to be seen by a doctor when something is wrong or for regular checkups. This means that sometimes things go from being small problems to larger health concerns, or screenings that could catch things get missed.
What can you do if you have caregiver burnout?
Burnout is serious, and it requires immediate attention. If you’re dealing with caregiver burnout, it’s important to focus on yourself and find ways to give yourself a break so that you can still do the things you need to do, while letting yourself be a full human with needs.
Be kind to yourself
First, be kind to yourself. What you’re feeling is understandable. Caregiving, especially for family members, is a lot. Try not to guilt yourself for being overwhelmed and needing a break or needing help. That doesn’t mean that you don’t love your parent or that you’re doing a bad job. It just means that you can’t do it all-no one can.
Take breaks where you can
You’re not useful to anyone, especially yourself, if you’re exhausted. It may seem frivolous to focus on yourself when it feels like others need you more, but you can’t help others if you’re not taking care of yourself first. Can you find ways to take breaks during the day so you can get a few minutes, at least, of time for yourself? Can you take 15 minutes here and there, maybe while your parent naps or is at an appointment, or out with friends?
Can you take an evening off (or maybe two or three?) a week and ask someone else to tap in so you can take care of yourself and recover? Don’t frame it like you need a break to go have fun (even though you deserve to have fun!), frame it as a health issue.
Explore what you can delegate to others
In some situations, you might be the only person who can do what you’re doing, but that might not be the case for everything. Can you call on your spouse or partner to tap in? What about your siblings if you have any? Are there any other family members who can lend a helping hand? Is there anything you can delegate in your own household so you’re not pulling double (or triple) duty? If you’re in the sandwich generation, it’s extra important to ask for help from your partner and other family members so you don’t take on too much. You can’t take care of everyone.
What will your budget allow? Can you afford a housekeeper to come in and clean, for you or your parent? Can you afford a part time nurse to give you a break? Does your parent qualify for any programs or benefits that would give them access to services that haven’t been explored? Some areas have an Office for the Aging that can help you and your family navigate benefits and support services.
Consider taking a leave from work
You may qualify for short term leave from work under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA). While this might not be the best option for everyone, it might give you time to take a break from one of your major responsibilities and get your feet back under you again. You may also be able to talk with your employer about more flexible scheduling, benefits for caregivers, or employer funded therapy through an EAP program that can help you manage this difficult time.
Talk to your parents’ doctor
Your parents’ doctor may also have resources and recommendations for you to find services to supplement your caregiving. If they specialize in care for older individuals, they may be a wealth of information and be able to connect you with support. They may also be able to connect you with resources for caregiver support groups so you can discuss what you’re going through with others who understand exactly what you’re experiencing.
Work with a therapist
Finally, working with a therapist can help you find more ways to prioritize yourself even as you care for others. You can have a safe space to explore all of the complicated feelings that come up as a caregiver for aging parents. A therapist can help you find ways to manage what you’re feeling, build tools to increase your resilience, and find solutions that actually work for your specific situation.
If you’re interested in working with a therapist who understands the complexity of caregiving, we’re accepting new clients and would love to work with you! You can learn more about our services here and contact us here to get started.
