7 Things to Do When You Feel Hopeless
Do you struggle with feeling hopeless?
It can be frightening to realize that you feel hopeless. When you don’t have any hope for yourself or for your future, it can feel hard to imagine that things will ever change. It’s hard to remember things ever being another way.
What does it mean to feel hopeless?
When you feel hopeless, you feel like you have no future, or no hope for your future. It might feel like nothing in your life is going right, like you have nothing to look forward to, or that nothing will ever improve. You might feel like there’s no point to even trying to help yourself change, because nothing has helped in the past.
When you feel hopeless, it can be a vicious cycle that reinforces itself. You feel hopeless, and so you start to notice only things that confirm your belief that nothing in life will ever get better, which makes you feel even worse. It becomes extremely difficult to break out of this pattern and to remind yourself that there are good things happening in your life and all around you.
At the risk of being obvious, hopelessness is the opposite of having hope. When you have hope, you believe that good things can happen in your future, and you see things in a more positive light. People who have hope have goals and motivation to take action and achieve their goals. This can, of course, be harder for some people than for others, due to privilege, circumstance, and genetics.
What are some causes of hopelessness?
Feeling hopeless can be caused by a number of things. Sometimes, hopelessness is caused by everyday things in life, like problems at work, issues in your family, or in your relationships with loved ones.
Some people feel hopeless when going through major life transitions or setbacks like breakups or divorce, grief, job loss, injury or illness. People who experience the impacts of racism, homophobia, ableism, and other forms of discrimination may also feel hopeless. The impacts of climate change and politics can also leave people feeling hopeless, especially when they feel there’s nothing they can do about it.
Hopelessness can also be a sign of something more serious, like depression or other mental health disorders. Substance use disorder can lead to feelings of hopelessness for both the person using and their loved ones who may lose hope that their person will ever be their old self again. Seasonal depression can be a cause of hopelessness that comes up around the same time every year. Another common source of hopelessness is chronic pain and chronic illness.
What can you do when you feel hopeless?
Know when to reach out for immediate help
Hopelessness can be a risk factor for suicide, so it’s important to ask for help if you’re feeling hopeless and considering harming yourself. There are hotlines and crisis resources in most major cities, including New York City that can provide assistance if you’re experiencing suicidal ideation. There is also a nationwide Suicide and Crisis Lifeline that operates 24/7, which you can reach anywhere in the US by calling or texting 988. There is help available, and you don’t have to feel shame for struggling. It’s a sign of strength to recognize that you need support in your darkest moments.
Tell someone how you feel
You don’t have to suffer through this alone. Sharing what you’re going through with someone else can be a huge weight lifted off your shoulders because you don’t have to hide it any longer. It’s hard to keep it all inside when you’re struggling. Letting someone know what you’re going through is important so that you’re not isolated from your support system when you’re having a hard time. You might also find that you’re not alone in your feelings - others have felt this way before and found their way to the other side. You can lean on them while you make your way there.
Dial it back to the basics
When you feel hopeless, it’s hard to get almost anything done, and it’s really easy to be mean to yourself about it. It’s especially important during this time to make sure your basic needs are met. Are you getting enough sleep? Do you drink enough water during the day? Are you eating enough food to nourish your mind and body? Are you being kind to yourself? These foundational parts of taking care of yourself are often the first to go when you’re not feeling like yourself, but they’re crucial to feeling better.
Notice one positive thing a day
This sounds corny, but when you’re stuck in the loop of feeling hopeless, it can be so difficult to break out of it. Start super small. Try to notice one thing every day, even if it’s tiny, that isn’t terrible or that doesn’t reinforce your feeling of hopelessness. Maybe it’s the way the sun streams in your window. It could be a goofy meme your best friend sends you on Instagram. Maybe it’s the way someone laughs while talking on the phone outside your building. Or maybe it’s how your cat twitches their tail when they see you. Anything counts! Make sure to write down the little things you notice. The more you notice, the more you’ll see, and the easier it will be to pick out positive things instead of negative.
Spend some time in nature
Nature can be a profound teacher, especially when you need to find some hope. This can be tricky when you live in a city, but take some time and sit in a park and notice the natural beauty all around you. There are terrible things happening in the world, there’s no doubt about it. There are reasons to feel bad. And there’s also resilience and growth and life all around us. Notice how the trees keep growing. Notice how the birds keep singing. Look at the clouds in the sky, and how they keep floating overhead. Admire how the flowers find a way to bloom. If you’re near water, notice how the water flows, no matter what else is going on.
Check your thinking
When you’re feeling hopeless, it’s easy to think in extremes, or in black and white. Things like, “I’ll always feel this way,” or “Things will never get better,” or “I can never do anything right.” These are pretty extreme statements that are almost certainly not true. The first step to interrupting that kind of thinking is to notice it when it comes up. When you notice yourself thinking in such black and white ways, try to encourage yourself to see the gray area in between instead of accepting the extreme as the truth.
This is something that takes a lot of practice, and can be helpful to work on with a therapist if it’s something you struggle with. Try telling yourself things like “Things are hard right now, but I won’t always feel this way,” or “I sometimes make mistakes, but I don’t only make mistakes.”
Get help from a therapist
When you feel hopeless, you might really feel like there’s nothing that can help you feel better. However, hopelessness, like all other feelings, won’t last forever. Working with a therapist can help you find ways to ride the wave of this distressing emotion, break out of black and white thinking, and find new ways to cope that leave you feeling more hopeful for the future.
