How Do I Know It's Time for Couples Therapy?
What happens in couples therapy?
The nature of a couples therapy session depends on the couple, the therapist & modality they utilize, the nature of communication in the room, and the goals each couple comes into the room hoping to accomplish. But in general, couples therapy exists as a space for you and your partner to come in and address pressing issues in your relationship while also modeling the communication that exists between you and your partner.
Some common goals within couples therapy include:
Strengthening communication skills
Cultivating healthy conflict skills
Addressing the root of dissatisfaction within your relationship
Identifying where stronger boundaries are needed in your relationship
Developing an authentic sense of self outside of your relationship
Leaving behind habits and patterns that don’t serve your relationship
As an objective observer, your therapist will be able to help you both address the issues you’re hoping to resolve, as well as help you identify and shift patterns within your communication that come up during conflict.
Just as with our individual therapy, couples counseling services will be specific to you and your relationship. There is no magic formula for a perfect relationship—we’re all unique with unique wants and needs–which means the goal of couples therapy isn’t to make your relationship perfect, but to help you discover what the needs of your relationship are, and how you can communicate them effectively and get them met within your relationship.
Some common issues that bring partners to couples therapy include:
Intimacy-related issues
Infidelity
Divorce
Conscious uncoupling/breakups
Consistent conflict
Communication issues
Pre-marital therapy
Desire, including desire differences
Open relationships & non-monogamy
Managing financial conflicts & differences
What are some signs it’s time for couples therapy?
There’s no one right time to start couples therapy—therapy works when you’re ready to show up and commit to the work. But, there are some common experiences couples have that indicate outside support might benefit the relationship. Some signs now might be a good time to do that work could be:
Your communication is circular
It’s easy to get stuck in an unproductive pattern when it comes to communicating about conflict. In intimate relationships, we’re at our most vulnerable, and are often poking at childhood trauma or attachment wounds as we learn to navigate adult partnership. When this happens, arguments or heated discussions can become circular, never getting to the root of the issue, or helping you figure out what tools you need to actually resolve it. A therapist can help you identify these patterns and redirect you toward a more productive communication style.
You keep coming up against the same issue without resolving it:
If you and your partner are consistently coming up against the same issue, chances are you’re not quite getting at the true issue that’s coming up and are instead using some quick bandaid fixes. In couples therapy, you have the opportunity to really dig into what you’re both experiencing during conflict so you can learn to identify solvable and unsolvable conflicts within your relationship.
You’re feeling too burned out to be present:
Whether you’re burned out because you’re consistently miscommunicating or because something else is taking up most of your energy, burnout can have major impacts on your relationship. When you’re burned out, you can’t show up fully, which can add stress to the connection you have with your partner. A couples therapist can help you figure out where that burnout is coming from, how your partner can support you, and how you can still help your partner know you want to show up for them.
If you’re ready to start therapy, our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York can provide you with a safe and stable environment to empower your growth and healing. Our therapists are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.