6 Tips to Handle the Holidays With Family
Do the holidays stress you out?
The holiday season is upon us, and for many people that means a feeling of anxiety about having to deal with family during the celebrations. There’s a lot of stress at holiday time between social events, buying gifts and food, school breaks, getting time off work (or covering for people who are taking time off), and complicated family dynamics. If you tend to be a ball of stress this time of year, you’re not alone.
Even when you have fun things lined up for the holidays, it’s hard to get excited about dealing with family drama and navigating the complicated dynamics that come with families.
So, how can you prepare yourself to handle the holidays with family this year? Here are 6 tips to help you effectively cope so you can enjoy the celebrations:
Set and enforce your boundaries
Boundaries are a hot topic these days, and you might feel that you can’t set boundaries without being extremely rigid or ending important relationships. Healthy boundaries aren’t about ending relationships, they’re about maintaining relationships over the long-term. Everyone is different and has different needs, experiences, and preferences, and that means that at times we will all experience conflict with others. Boundaries that are expressed in a healthy way by everyone involved can help minimize conflicts and navigate through when we do have disagreements.
To determine what your boundaries are for the holidays, think about what you’re most anxious for or dreading the most. Whatever it is that’s causing your concern, try to think of some adjustment that can be made on your end to help you feel more comfortable. Remember that your boundaries tell others what you are going to do in a certain situation - they don’t control what anyone else does.
If you’re worried about the time you’ll spend socializing, can you let people know what days you’re available for socializing and then save a few for yourself?
If you’re uncomfortable spending time with people you don’t like, can you give yourself permission to leave after a certain time?
If you’re concerned about the expense of the holiday season, it’s okay to be honest with the people in your life about what you can and can’t afford.
If you’re worried about a bad interaction with someone, make a plan for what you will do when that incident occurs - walk away, excuse yourself to the bathroom, go home, call in extra support, etc.
Make sure to communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, and then stick to them, even when it’s hard.
Have a plan for distress
We all have that one relative that we can’t stand talking to or that one family member who likes to stir the pot. It can be tricky to enjoy the holidays when you’re worried about an unpleasant incident at any moment.
It can help to make a plan of what you’ll do if what you’re worried about actually happens. Think through what your options are ahead of time so you’re not flustered in the moment. It’s hard to use your rational brain when you’re emotionally activated, so it’s easier to fall back on something you know well, which is why practicing your chosen coping skills ahead of time is crucial. Try to practice the interaction in your head until you feel less nervous about what will happen.
Take time for yourself
When you’re dealing with complicated family dynamics, finding some time to yourself each day can be a precious resource. Offer to run errands on your own, go to a coffee shop for a few hours, take a nap - do whatever you need to do to secure some time to yourself during the holidays.
Practice acceptance
Practicing acceptance isn’t going to change anyone’s behavior, unfortunately. What acceptance does is free you from the struggle of wishing and hoping and expecting someone else to change and being constantly let down when they don’t. It’s painful and emotionally draining to be hurt over and over in that way. Instead of focusing your energy on wishing things were different, see if you can focus that energy on something more positive. You might find that it’s a relief to let go of that struggle.
Remember this too shall pass
Remember, the holiday season won’t last forever. Even if this holiday season is terrible, it will be over in a few weeks and then you won’t have to worry about it for another year. You might also find it helpful to remember that the holidays aren’t magical and special for everyone - for lots of people they’re just a time to get through. Talking about that aspect of the holidays can help people who don’t enjoy the holidays to feel less alone.
Daily gratitude practice
When you’re in less than ideal circumstances, you may find it helpful to take a little time to focus on what actually went well instead of what you’re stressed about. Take a little time each day to think about something positive that happened or something that made you smile. Try to keep a list somewhere handy so you can add to it when you think of something new. On days where you are struggling to find something to be grateful for, you can look back over old entries and be reminded of those good moments.
If you’re looking for a way to expand your support system this holiday season, our therapists at Anchor Counseling New York are accepting new clients - schedule an appointment today to get started.